Postcards I've received before are from those friends who just temporary stayed abroad. Words transferred to the imagination, it’s just a kind of pure happiness I’d feel when I saw those postcards.
Now there’s another postcard on my desk. Full handwriting, written neatly.
What I feel now is not happiness, not excitement, not expectations……no, none of them. It’s a strangely mixed feeling.
Regret.. maybe. Relief…yes. Sadness…definitely.
Postcards from friends who won’t “come back here” someday in the future.
With some people maybe you just have this only chance in your life to be with them, but I didn’t realize it then, which made me so regret now. That’s a mistake I will never ever make again… I hate myself when it’s me who push myself into this painful emotion.
Still, having news from you's a great relief for me. It's always true that friendship won’t fade away like memories...if we keep nourishing and cherishing it. Thanks God that there’s friendship as a kind of love in the world!
And postcards always make me miss you more, my friends. What are those feelings that compose the emotion of missing people? Hard to say, but there’s always sadness within it. More or less…
When it comes to saying goodbye, sometimes it’s clear that we knew maybe we won’t see each other again. Yet we still said, “See you. We’ll meet sometime in the future.” So we can face the time of leaving bravely, with some hope kept in our minds.
Apr 21, 2010
Apr 10, 2010
direction
For all the time I dreamed of enjoying life with enough money, yet I didn’t notice that I’ve never possessed the ability to achieve that kind of life. I’ve got money from my parents to have my dream, but I even don’t know how to realize it. Childish, not until today that I found this truth.
Where’s my direction? One professor asked me. And I don’t know how to answer. I planned things I’m gonna to do in the following years. I dreamed of life I’m longing for. But Jesus, I don’t know where my direction is. In which field I’ll put my passion, that I’ll dedicate my whole life chasing the great achievement within that field? I don’t know. Jeeez, I don’t know!
Get the master degree, CFA, be a professional in the field of finance, can speak a second foreign language fluently – sounds like I already know my direction for the next decade. But I see no passion in my mind, which means there’re still other things deserve effort given by me, in which I’ll find passion inside me. Just I haven’t found it yet.
So I asked him how I can find my direction, desperately. He just smiled, and shook his head.
Is it already too late?
No, even though he didn’t say anything. Only this answer can push me forward. I’ll prove that I’ll be more than the one that he thinks I’ll be.
Where’s my direction? One professor asked me. And I don’t know how to answer. I planned things I’m gonna to do in the following years. I dreamed of life I’m longing for. But Jesus, I don’t know where my direction is. In which field I’ll put my passion, that I’ll dedicate my whole life chasing the great achievement within that field? I don’t know. Jeeez, I don’t know!
Get the master degree, CFA, be a professional in the field of finance, can speak a second foreign language fluently – sounds like I already know my direction for the next decade. But I see no passion in my mind, which means there’re still other things deserve effort given by me, in which I’ll find passion inside me. Just I haven’t found it yet.
So I asked him how I can find my direction, desperately. He just smiled, and shook his head.
Is it already too late?
No, even though he didn’t say anything. Only this answer can push me forward. I’ll prove that I’ll be more than the one that he thinks I’ll be.
Mar 27, 2010
0327
Erinnerung, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Willst du immer weiter schweifen?
Sieh, das Gute liegt so nah,
Lerne nur das Glück ergreifen,
Denn das Glück ist immer da.
Willst du immer weiter schweifen?
Sieh, das Gute liegt so nah,
Lerne nur das Glück ergreifen,
Denn das Glück ist immer da.
Mar 26, 2010
burned something again
Burnt pancakes for breakfast this morning.
When the smell of burnt reminded me it’s time to turn, it’s already too late. No other choices so I spread nutella on them, trying to cover the smell.
Recently my mind would be completely elsewhere when I try to focus on doing something – that this is really unusual for me. Like I’m not myself these days. Gosh, my body’s here but where on earth is my mind going?
Ahh, no matter where you go, please come back soon. I can’t be like this when all others are working hard for bright future….
今天早上第一批鬆餅微焦。
等聞到焦味才想到要翻面時，已經完全性地來不及了。沒辦法只好抹上巧克力醬蓋住討厭的焦味。做什麼事都心不在焉的，最近的我都快不認識自己了。討厭半調子的自己。另一半的魂魄究竟飛到哪去了呢?
唉，不論是到哪去，快回來吧。大家都在努力為未來奮鬥的時候，我還在做什麼白日夢呢?
When the smell of burnt reminded me it’s time to turn, it’s already too late. No other choices so I spread nutella on them, trying to cover the smell.
Recently my mind would be completely elsewhere when I try to focus on doing something – that this is really unusual for me. Like I’m not myself these days. Gosh, my body’s here but where on earth is my mind going?
Ahh, no matter where you go, please come back soon. I can’t be like this when all others are working hard for bright future….
今天早上第一批鬆餅微焦。
等聞到焦味才想到要翻面時，已經完全性地來不及了。沒辦法只好抹上巧克力醬蓋住討厭的焦味。做什麼事都心不在焉的，最近的我都快不認識自己了。討厭半調子的自己。另一半的魂魄究竟飛到哪去了呢?
唉，不論是到哪去，快回來吧。大家都在努力為未來奮鬥的時候，我還在做什麼白日夢呢?
Feb 19, 2010
the one behind
Who’s the one who hides behind that language?
This question came to my mind for many times when I was abroad. It kept lingering in my mind.
At the very moment when someone changes to speak his mother tongue, many characteristics, which are hard to sense before, will show up suddenly. That’s what I had observed. Before and after the change, more or less, some differences exist. It depends on how different the foreign and the mother language are. I couldn’t understand their languages, yet I could feel those differences. The face expression, the voice, the motion. Those characteristics I can hardly sense before became so apparent when the one changed back to his mother tongue. Like being magnified to several times. Under the familiar language, the annoying transformation of languages won’t block the flow of emotion anymore, thus the pure self come out naturally. Guess it’s because you don’t have to care or worry about the meaning of what you’ve said after they’re translated. For all the time I considered the tower of Babel won’t hinder emotions from growing; now it seems not so true.
Even for now I’m back here, I’m still curious about this question. I need to learn that language if I insist on knowing the answer.
I’ll figure it out. I’m too curious.
在那語言之後所躲藏的是什麼樣的人?
在丹麥我時常想到這個問題。尤其住在各國學生聚集的學生宿舍，這個疑惑總是揮之不去。
從外語轉到母語的那一瞬間，許多原本看不見的性格瞬間就湧現了。我觀察的很多人都是如此。多多少少有些變化，依母語及外語的差異程度而不等。即使我聽不懂他們的語言，我還是感受的到那些差異。表情，聲音，動作。原本在英語中只能稍微察覺的性格，在母語底下忽然被放大了好幾倍。在熟悉的語言之下，煩人的語言轉換不再堵塞感情，最原始的自己自然流露。是顧慮放下了吧。一直以來我不覺得巴別塔連感情也會阻隔，但看來是我錯了。
即使回到了這裡，我對這個問題還是非常好奇。如果要找出解答，非得自己去學那種語言不可。總之這輩子我一定會找出謎底的。變成我的目標之一。我實在是太好奇了。
This question came to my mind for many times when I was abroad. It kept lingering in my mind.
At the very moment when someone changes to speak his mother tongue, many characteristics, which are hard to sense before, will show up suddenly. That’s what I had observed. Before and after the change, more or less, some differences exist. It depends on how different the foreign and the mother language are. I couldn’t understand their languages, yet I could feel those differences. The face expression, the voice, the motion. Those characteristics I can hardly sense before became so apparent when the one changed back to his mother tongue. Like being magnified to several times. Under the familiar language, the annoying transformation of languages won’t block the flow of emotion anymore, thus the pure self come out naturally. Guess it’s because you don’t have to care or worry about the meaning of what you’ve said after they’re translated. For all the time I considered the tower of Babel won’t hinder emotions from growing; now it seems not so true.
Even for now I’m back here, I’m still curious about this question. I need to learn that language if I insist on knowing the answer.
I’ll figure it out. I’m too curious.
在那語言之後所躲藏的是什麼樣的人?
在丹麥我時常想到這個問題。尤其住在各國學生聚集的學生宿舍，這個疑惑總是揮之不去。
從外語轉到母語的那一瞬間，許多原本看不見的性格瞬間就湧現了。我觀察的很多人都是如此。多多少少有些變化，依母語及外語的差異程度而不等。即使我聽不懂他們的語言，我還是感受的到那些差異。表情，聲音，動作。原本在英語中只能稍微察覺的性格，在母語底下忽然被放大了好幾倍。在熟悉的語言之下，煩人的語言轉換不再堵塞感情，最原始的自己自然流露。是顧慮放下了吧。一直以來我不覺得巴別塔連感情也會阻隔，但看來是我錯了。
即使回到了這裡，我對這個問題還是非常好奇。如果要找出解答，非得自己去學那種語言不可。總之這輩子我一定會找出謎底的。變成我的目標之一。我實在是太好奇了。
Feb 15, 2010
0215
Went to see a movie with Mom and Dad.
The movie’s over at eleven. We stepped into the night. Not so cold yet a light drizzle was falling.
“It’s quite a good movie.” I said.
“Yeah, it’s awesome.” Mom said.
Dad nodded.
And we didn’t speak anything else after. Walking home in silence, our brains kept repeating the impressing parts of the movie – didn’t feel awkward even though there’s no one speaking. That’s one of the good things when you stay with family.
People came out of the theatre, passing by Mitsukoshi department store. The light of advertisements was especially conspicuous in this dark night; the falling rain sparkled in it. People around me discussed excitedly. Little green one started to countdown, and we crossed over the intersection. Starbucks appeared at the corner.
There’re still all kinds of people staying inside. Two of them were foreigners, with ties; staring at each other, look quite serious. They’re talking business. Of course I couldn’t hear anything with the glass between, but I just knew. They’re talking something important. The coffee on the table was still full. At this time, this point, I guessed they already forgot that they’re in Starbucks.
It’s just a place for them to talk business; they felt obligated to buy something. My dad did that a lot. After finishing the talk he’ll empty the cup at a draught, and ask the clerk for a paper bag, to bring sandwich or crescent or something else back home to me. Yes they’re just ordinary sandwich and crescent but they seemed more tempting in Starbucks paper bag. So this is the brand image. The so-called intangible asset -- this thing really exists, and sounds extraordinary true when you’re chewing the proof in your mouth.
Back home at half passed eleven. Watched NBA with bro. It’s been quite a time since the last time I watched it. Didn’t find this fact during the past few months.
Europe’s almost occupied by football; baseball or basketball, they’re quite easy to forget when you stay there. Really.
和爸媽一起看電影。
晚上十一點散場，我們踏入不怎麼冷卻下著煩人細雨的夜。
"還蠻好看的唷。"我說。
"是呀，蠻好看的。"老媽說。
爸爸點頭。
在這之後就沒有任何對話。三個人默默地走回家，各自的腦子裡正不斷上演剛剛印象深刻的片段 -- 即使沒人講話也不覺得尷尬。這就是和家人在一起的好處之一。
散場之後的人潮經過新光三越。廣告燈光在深夜中格外顯眼，飄落的雨絲發出微光。人們在我耳邊興奮地討論劇情。小綠人開始倒數，我們穿越十字路口。轉角出現熟悉的starbucks。
店裡頭還有各種人待著。其中有兩個表情嚴肅，打著領帶的外國人。正面對面談著生意。當然我隔著玻璃是聽不見他們在說什麼，但就是知道他們正講著甚麼正經事。桌上的咖啡看似動也沒動過。在現在的這個時間點，他們兩個或許完全忘記自己是坐在星巴克裡吧。
對他們來說不過是一個談生意的場所，咖啡算是義務性買的。我老爸就常做這種事。談完事情後把咖啡一口喝乾，然後向店員要個紙袋把三明治或可頌什麼的帶回家給我吃。明明就是普通的三明治與可頌，被星巴克的紙袋一裝就顯得特別好吃。這就是品牌形象嗎，所謂的無形資產。這東西好像真的存在一樣，特別是你嘴巴正嚼著證據的時候。
十一點半回到家，和老弟看職籃轉播。原來自己已經這麼久沒看職籃了，在歐洲的這段期間
都沒發現這個事實。
歐洲被足球充滿了嘛。籃球或棒球什麼的，在那裡真的很容易被拋到腦後喲。
The movie’s over at eleven. We stepped into the night. Not so cold yet a light drizzle was falling.
“It’s quite a good movie.” I said.
“Yeah, it’s awesome.” Mom said.
Dad nodded.
And we didn’t speak anything else after. Walking home in silence, our brains kept repeating the impressing parts of the movie – didn’t feel awkward even though there’s no one speaking. That’s one of the good things when you stay with family.
People came out of the theatre, passing by Mitsukoshi department store. The light of advertisements was especially conspicuous in this dark night; the falling rain sparkled in it. People around me discussed excitedly. Little green one started to countdown, and we crossed over the intersection. Starbucks appeared at the corner.
There’re still all kinds of people staying inside. Two of them were foreigners, with ties; staring at each other, look quite serious. They’re talking business. Of course I couldn’t hear anything with the glass between, but I just knew. They’re talking something important. The coffee on the table was still full. At this time, this point, I guessed they already forgot that they’re in Starbucks.
It’s just a place for them to talk business; they felt obligated to buy something. My dad did that a lot. After finishing the talk he’ll empty the cup at a draught, and ask the clerk for a paper bag, to bring sandwich or crescent or something else back home to me. Yes they’re just ordinary sandwich and crescent but they seemed more tempting in Starbucks paper bag. So this is the brand image. The so-called intangible asset -- this thing really exists, and sounds extraordinary true when you’re chewing the proof in your mouth.
Back home at half passed eleven. Watched NBA with bro. It’s been quite a time since the last time I watched it. Didn’t find this fact during the past few months.
Europe’s almost occupied by football; baseball or basketball, they’re quite easy to forget when you stay there. Really.
和爸媽一起看電影。
晚上十一點散場，我們踏入不怎麼冷卻下著煩人細雨的夜。
"還蠻好看的唷。"我說。
"是呀，蠻好看的。"老媽說。
爸爸點頭。
在這之後就沒有任何對話。三個人默默地走回家，各自的腦子裡正不斷上演剛剛印象深刻的片段 -- 即使沒人講話也不覺得尷尬。這就是和家人在一起的好處之一。
散場之後的人潮經過新光三越。廣告燈光在深夜中格外顯眼，飄落的雨絲發出微光。人們在我耳邊興奮地討論劇情。小綠人開始倒數，我們穿越十字路口。轉角出現熟悉的starbucks。
店裡頭還有各種人待著。其中有兩個表情嚴肅，打著領帶的外國人。正面對面談著生意。當然我隔著玻璃是聽不見他們在說什麼，但就是知道他們正講著甚麼正經事。桌上的咖啡看似動也沒動過。在現在的這個時間點，他們兩個或許完全忘記自己是坐在星巴克裡吧。
對他們來說不過是一個談生意的場所，咖啡算是義務性買的。我老爸就常做這種事。談完事情後把咖啡一口喝乾，然後向店員要個紙袋把三明治或可頌什麼的帶回家給我吃。明明就是普通的三明治與可頌，被星巴克的紙袋一裝就顯得特別好吃。這就是品牌形象嗎，所謂的無形資產。這東西好像真的存在一樣，特別是你嘴巴正嚼著證據的時候。
十一點半回到家，和老弟看職籃轉播。原來自己已經這麼久沒看職籃了，在歐洲的這段期間
都沒發現這個事實。
歐洲被足球充滿了嘛。籃球或棒球什麼的，在那裡真的很容易被拋到腦後喲。
Feb 12, 2010
I should say
During this travel, no matter which city it is, it’s always the people, food, weather and the atmosphere there impressed me more than other things. Or to say exactly, I don’t know how to describe other things except these four elements.
Neither those historical relics, structures, or artistic works. I can’t write anything of them.
But why?
When I walked through cities in Europe, I couldn’t stop gasping at different things in admiration. Those brilliant culture expression, those long-standing historical remains. Every piece of art I saw comes from decades of working, or even hundreds of years; artists strained their hearts and minds to reach its perfection. And these kinds of works are countless in Europe.
I could feel the beauty. The breath-taking beauty floated everywhere. But I couldn’t understand it.
And that almost drove me crazy.
These arts, which gain more value after the erosion of time, radiate the very glamour when appreciators vibe with them. The soul of art lies in the interaction between itself and the appreciators who project their feelings onto the art. These feelings generate from appreciators’ understanding of the history, affection and culture embedded in this artistic work. They will get the utmost satisfaction when they fully experience the work’s beauty of appearance and its beauty of soul.
Yet I couldn’t see their souls. For sure I was amazed by the beauty of their appearances. But every statue, every church, every painting……they’re all so silent to me, all the time. Quiet inside my heart, no resonance. I know something about the history behind them, but how about the affection and the culture? No, I had no idea, at least for the time when I met them. They stared at me with hollow expression in their eyes, inside which I could see no soul. My brain should have been filled with images and different feelings, but it was blank. I was hit by overwhelmed sorrow every time when I realized that I could only see their appearances. Hit by sorrow, again and again. So much I had missed, because of the lack of knowledge and experiences. In the end of the journey, I was almost numb.
I’m not sure if I will be able to understand the affection and culture behind those masterpieces in the future. I’m totally clueless, about those things like affection and culture for a country; I’m not so familiar with them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a place of which the identification is always not so clear. Even now I can’t tell if Taiwan is a country or not.
But I’ll do my best to understand. From every angle, in any ways. I’m very sure that if I’m lucky enough to be able to glance the soul of those arts some day, I’ll never forget that for my whole life.
For now, I’d rather not to write anything about them; they will be just hollow description.
Like something you can throw to the trashcan right away.
這趟旅行中，無論在哪個地方，我對當地的人，食物，天氣與整個城市的氣氛，都比較有印象。或者更明確地說，除了這幾樣之外，關於其他的事物我是寫不出任何東西的。
包括各城市所蘊藏的豐富文物。我寫不出來。
也許得等到數十年之後才有辦法。這是有原因的。
當我走過歐洲各個城市，我幾乎一刻也無法停止讚嘆。那些燦爛的文化表現，那些悠久的歷史遺跡，太過豐富而讓我難以承受。眼睛所見的每樣藝術都是幾十年，甚至幾百年的嘔心瀝血之作，而在歐洲這樣的作品目不暇給。
我感覺到美，隨處都是令人窒息的美。但我確實無法理解。
後者讓我幾近發狂。
這些在時間侵蝕下更顯價值的藝術品，其最大的魅力在於與欣賞者間的共鳴。藝術品的靈魂，在於欣賞者對其所隱含的歷史，情感與文化所產生的共鳴。表像的美，與其靈魂的美合而為一，帶給欣賞者無與倫比的感動與滿足感。
而我一直無法找到那種共鳴。感官上我震撼於表像的美。但每座雕像，每座教堂，每一幅畫，永遠都是這麼的沉默。我的內心寂靜，沒有共鳴。我也許知道一點他們的歷史，但在情感與文化上，短期內幾乎是毫無辦法。他們用空洞的眼神俯視我，在其中我看不見靈魂。那巨大的遺憾不停衝擊，讓我頭暈目眩。在旅行的終端，簡直是麻木了。
那堅固的情感與文化，這輩子究竟有沒有機會了解，我並沒有把握。那對我來說是完全未知的。類似那種定義的東西，在我心中不曾留下特別深刻的印記。我連我所生長的地方到底是不是國家都不清楚。
但我會盡我所能去了解。無論從哪種角度去嘗試。我非常肯定，只要有幸窺見一次那些藝術品的靈魂，哪怕只有一件，也會讓我畢生難忘的。
不過在現階段，很抱歉，就算寫了也只是空虛的描述。因此寧可不寫。
Neither those historical relics, structures, or artistic works. I can’t write anything of them.
But why?
When I walked through cities in Europe, I couldn’t stop gasping at different things in admiration. Those brilliant culture expression, those long-standing historical remains. Every piece of art I saw comes from decades of working, or even hundreds of years; artists strained their hearts and minds to reach its perfection. And these kinds of works are countless in Europe.
I could feel the beauty. The breath-taking beauty floated everywhere. But I couldn’t understand it.
And that almost drove me crazy.
These arts, which gain more value after the erosion of time, radiate the very glamour when appreciators vibe with them. The soul of art lies in the interaction between itself and the appreciators who project their feelings onto the art. These feelings generate from appreciators’ understanding of the history, affection and culture embedded in this artistic work. They will get the utmost satisfaction when they fully experience the work’s beauty of appearance and its beauty of soul.
Yet I couldn’t see their souls. For sure I was amazed by the beauty of their appearances. But every statue, every church, every painting……they’re all so silent to me, all the time. Quiet inside my heart, no resonance. I know something about the history behind them, but how about the affection and the culture? No, I had no idea, at least for the time when I met them. They stared at me with hollow expression in their eyes, inside which I could see no soul. My brain should have been filled with images and different feelings, but it was blank. I was hit by overwhelmed sorrow every time when I realized that I could only see their appearances. Hit by sorrow, again and again. So much I had missed, because of the lack of knowledge and experiences. In the end of the journey, I was almost numb.
I’m not sure if I will be able to understand the affection and culture behind those masterpieces in the future. I’m totally clueless, about those things like affection and culture for a country; I’m not so familiar with them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a place of which the identification is always not so clear. Even now I can’t tell if Taiwan is a country or not.
But I’ll do my best to understand. From every angle, in any ways. I’m very sure that if I’m lucky enough to be able to glance the soul of those arts some day, I’ll never forget that for my whole life.
For now, I’d rather not to write anything about them; they will be just hollow description.
Like something you can throw to the trashcan right away.
這趟旅行中，無論在哪個地方，我對當地的人，食物，天氣與整個城市的氣氛，都比較有印象。或者更明確地說，除了這幾樣之外，關於其他的事物我是寫不出任何東西的。
包括各城市所蘊藏的豐富文物。我寫不出來。
也許得等到數十年之後才有辦法。這是有原因的。
當我走過歐洲各個城市，我幾乎一刻也無法停止讚嘆。那些燦爛的文化表現，那些悠久的歷史遺跡，太過豐富而讓我難以承受。眼睛所見的每樣藝術都是幾十年，甚至幾百年的嘔心瀝血之作，而在歐洲這樣的作品目不暇給。
我感覺到美，隨處都是令人窒息的美。但我確實無法理解。
後者讓我幾近發狂。
這些在時間侵蝕下更顯價值的藝術品，其最大的魅力在於與欣賞者間的共鳴。藝術品的靈魂，在於欣賞者對其所隱含的歷史，情感與文化所產生的共鳴。表像的美，與其靈魂的美合而為一，帶給欣賞者無與倫比的感動與滿足感。
而我一直無法找到那種共鳴。感官上我震撼於表像的美。但每座雕像，每座教堂，每一幅畫，永遠都是這麼的沉默。我的內心寂靜，沒有共鳴。我也許知道一點他們的歷史，但在情感與文化上，短期內幾乎是毫無辦法。他們用空洞的眼神俯視我，在其中我看不見靈魂。那巨大的遺憾不停衝擊，讓我頭暈目眩。在旅行的終端，簡直是麻木了。
那堅固的情感與文化，這輩子究竟有沒有機會了解，我並沒有把握。那對我來說是完全未知的。類似那種定義的東西，在我心中不曾留下特別深刻的印記。我連我所生長的地方到底是不是國家都不清楚。
但我會盡我所能去了解。無論從哪種角度去嘗試。我非常肯定，只要有幸窺見一次那些藝術品的靈魂，哪怕只有一件，也會讓我畢生難忘的。
不過在現階段，很抱歉，就算寫了也只是空虛的描述。因此寧可不寫。
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